There’s not much traffic to this blog at the moment, and life elsewhere has gone very, very quiet too. After a week or so of intense heat, the air is cooler and the days are clear and calm. The children seem more centered, less demanding and we’re in the house simply going about our business, with no plans.
Today is the darkest phase of the moon before renewing again this evening in the vicinity of the sky we call Capricorn (but that is only metaphoric – the moon is still in her wobbly orbit around the earth).
There was a moment that this would have meant Something Very Important to me, but I’m in the process of stripping the meaning from things – this is a teaching from the Course in Miracles, and it helps with the stories that bind the mind and cause suffering. Without the story of a tree, for example, one can allow the tree to reveal its true nature. Without the story of ‘me’ I allow my own true nature to be known.
So the moon is dark, the moon will be new again. Yes. What am I getting at? Am I going anywhere with this? I’ve already written that I won’t be doing any ‘de-cluttering‘ – rather that I’m taking stock, re-visioning my clutter, my rubbish, my mess. And the memories continue to surface, and I watch, knowing I need them for something, although I don’t know what yet. Maybe only this.
I do truly believe that I have everything I need, and nothing I don’t. Wanting any part of my life to be any other way is to argue with reality. Reality always wins. Its exhausting to do battle with the way things are, to want what ‘is not’ and to deny one’s own emotions.
Perhaps what it is I want from all this – what this wants from me – is to honour my Lunar nature, as an expression of my inner cosmos, even though all meaning is illusion.
In fact what I’m called to do is to honour the entire Pantheon. I want to put an end to my Solar Heroics – my questing and striving and overcoming.
As for Aphrodite – as a true child of Venus I have no trouble at all with paying homage to beauty, or so I thought. Upon presentation of the above quote this morning I questioned that. Have I turned away from beauty – from notitia, seeing with one’s heart – because it has often been such a focus of mine that I’ve seen nothing else?
Like this – I met a man in a bar; he swaggered past me, then, turned his head and with one eyebrow raised asked ‘are you bored? come with me!‘.
Dirty, I thought – Beautiful, my heart insisted. A year later I found myself giving birth to his daughter, and he was elsewhere.
But things are exactly as they are; no more, no less. It may be that this is what it is to be at the darkest phase of the moon – to let go of the solar consciousness – singlemindedness – and live by lamplight, where shadows can be beautiful – to dwell in wisdom rather than understanding; to be still and watch life take shape.