memories like mould

“…Aphrodite is the ‘psyche tou kosmou‘ or soul in all things… if we would recuperate the lost soul, which is after all the aim of all depth psychologies, we must recover our lost aesthetic reactions, our sense of beauty..” (Hillman, Thought of the Heart, p41)

There’s not much traffic to this blog at the moment, and life elsewhere has gone very, very quiet too. After a week or so of intense heat, the air is cooler and the days are clear and calm. The children seem more centered, less demanding and we’re in the house simply going about our business, with no plans.

Today is the darkest phase of the moon before renewing again this evening in the vicinity of the sky we call Capricorn (but that is only metaphoric – the moon is still in her wobbly orbit around the earth).

There was a moment that this would have meant Something Very Important to me, but I’m in the process of stripping the meaning from things – this is a teaching from the Course in Miracles, and it helps with the stories that bind the mind and cause suffering. Without the story of a tree, for example, one can allow the tree to reveal its true nature. Without the story of ‘me’ I allow my own true nature to be known.

So the moon is dark, the moon will be new again. Yes. What am I getting at? Am I going anywhere with this? I’ve already written that I won’t be doing any ‘de-cluttering‘ – rather that I’m taking stock, re-visioning my clutter, my rubbish, my mess. And the memories continue to surface, and I watch, knowing I need them for something, although I don’t know what yet. Maybe only this.

I do truly believe that I have everything I need, and nothing I don’t. Wanting any part of my life to be any other way is to argue with reality. Reality always wins. Its exhausting to do battle with the way things are, to want what ‘is not’ and to deny one’s own emotions.

Perhaps what it is I want from all this – what this wants from me – is to honour my Lunar nature, as an expression of my inner cosmos, even though all meaning is illusion.

In fact what I’m called to do is to honour the entire Pantheon. I want to put an end to my Solar Heroics – my questing and striving and overcoming.

As for Aphrodite – as a true child of Venus I have no trouble at all with paying homage to beauty, or so I thought. Upon presentation of the above quote this morning I questioned that. Have I turned away from beauty – from notitia, seeing with one’s heart – because it has often been such a focus of mine that I’ve seen nothing else?

Like this – I met a man in a bar; he swaggered past me, then, turned his head and with one eyebrow raised asked ‘are you bored? come with me!‘.

Dirty, I thought – Beautiful, my heart insisted. A year later I found myself giving birth to his daughter, and he was elsewhere.

But things are exactly as they are; no more, no less. It may be that this is what it is to be at the darkest phase of the moon – to let go of the solar consciousness – singlemindedness – and live by lamplight, where shadows can be beautiful – to dwell in wisdom rather than understanding; to be still and watch life take shape.

6 thoughts on “memories like mould

  1. I’ve been a tad reluctant to do much more than lurk, as you have such a lyrical way of expressing yourself. I’m overriding any text driven shyness though as something about your post makes me think of that often used phrase,’to go with the flow’ which sparks a bit of a desire to share. Well at least as it relates to my life.

    Also this is fairly contradictory to just being without story…except I’ve looped in and out of being with and without story for the last couple of years.I’ve seen what happens to me when I allow others to impose story onto me.Often it irritates enough for me to see more clearly what I would like. I also have to self watch to not slip into this myself.Or least when I do I’m more aware that its akin to myth building as each moment something is gained and lost often times without my concious notice.

    I live my life on a fairly instinctive basis. There are times it might appear that I’m operating from what most people understand to be logic, and yet I think it’s more an acceptance that it’s all good.Gak… another cliche of sorts.. All good in the sense that the ‘bad’ is good, the hideously immersed in some internal processing while slothlike action occurs, also good. There have been times over the last couple of years where it’s been really hard to trust my overriding trust in myself.Yet through the loops or spirals(2007, J.Cleghorn)I really feel as though I’m folding into and out of me some very valuable experience, and lately it’s feeling very much like bubbles of joy.

    With my head I knew it was necessary to free myself from some possessions over the last couple of years.I literally had all the time in the world to be able to clear or declutter…and yet inside I knew it wasn’t time, I didn’t know exactly when it would be time, but it would come.I did recycle some furniture, but the debris of life was still archived in boxes. The last few days I’ve been ready to sift through and let go of some of it.

    I’ve discovered that I want the space the debris occupies for new things.None of this clearing is exactly happening at the speed of light, and I’m finding myself drawn to some areas I didn’t even think warranted my time…but I’m going with it and seeing where it leads me as thankfully I trust.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts Danae, as I think they’ve helped clarify things in the moment for me.

  2. Its good to hear from you Catherine, and I’m glad you decided to comment…your post clarified things for me too, as well as letting me know I’m not ‘the only one’ :).

    I understand what you mean by ‘all good’ – I use the word perfect – as in ‘perfect for me right now’ even if its not ‘perfect’ in the usual sense.

    yes, there is an ebb and flow – and what I took with me last night is that perhaps that ebb and flow, that rythym, is something more than story.

    I’ll be pondering that one for a while!

    thanks again, d πŸ™‚

  3. Its good to hear from you Catherine, and I’m glad you decided to comment…your post clarified things for me too, as well as letting me know I’m not ‘the only one’ :).

    I understand what you mean by ‘all good’ – I use the word perfect – as in ‘perfect for me right now’ even if its not ‘perfect’ in the usual sense.

    yes, there is an ebb and flow – and what I took with me last night is that perhaps that ebb and flow, that rythym, is something more than story.

    I’ll be pondering that one for a while!

    thanks again, d πŸ™‚

  4. It would be an enlightening – yet beautifully tumultuous day when the three of us ever got a chance to sit and muse together – perhaps over a nice bottle of (or thrice) of wine and a huge plate of antipasto!

    Wow … I’ve been seeking Aphrodite, but not really understanding, who, what, where, when, why etc – as I named my novel ‘Finding Aphrodite’ so I was immediately drawn to what you had to say. I think not only is it my characters Abby’s quest/journey – but perhaps it mirrors my own. Not sure yet – as I’m stil unsure on the quest.

    I was thinking a lot of what you said about the Old Mother Bone Maker, about decluttering etc … what I thought on the two, was the often we layer, like danish pastries, our histories one on top of another, until we’re so obese with our past that we’ve forgotten who we are …. so many stories and the core, our skeletal frame and knowing is so burdened that it as lost its integrity (Catherine’s theme) and its authenticity (mine).

    Therefore, unburdening needs to occur – stripping back, digging down to remember who we are at the core – who the Old Mother created under all of it, who she made us to be.

    Are our stories ego?

    My ‘new space’ is feeling rather bare and sterile at the moment – I need to bless the space and then begin redecorating … I dont regret letting it all go, stripping it back to the bare bones (another colloquial reference?) because I needed that line in the sand to be able to start a new … because of how I was caught up with my self worth in the volunteer stuff – I need to go to a new dimension and at least (for now) seal off the old one so I can nurture the new me without too much baggage.

    I’m still feeling so vulnerable at the moment that I dont want to have to carry baggage … and perhaps this is just another moment of running away?

    I remember last year – tying in with beauty and Libran balance – that at the centre of either extremes of the scales there is a place of just being – and I’ve been there .. and it makes me think that perhaps that’s where you’re at, at the moment Dan … in that place in between where you can be with all the memories that surface without having to hide or rage against them, without having to play or enjoy them. You just are!

    Perhaps you could lead a further exploration of Aphrodite – I almost feel as though I can’t begin writing that novel again until I have a clear understanding of What it is in Aphrodite she is searching for and why she is searching for it? This post gives me a heads start at least … and it will be yet another I print off and save for future reference (and of course a thorough re-reading!)

    OH and Catherine – blog darling?? C’mon you know you want to!!

  5. I’m so grateful that something I’m doing is sparking something with others too, so thank you for your comments.

    I’ve another Aphrodite post today, so we’ll have another chance to talk about her but I wanted to acknowledge what you’ve written here first.

    you asked are stories ego – and the answer, as far as I know so far, is no. Story is beyond us, bigger than just our individual selves. The ego is pretty much the summation of our individual selves, and something else. I think ‘story’ is another way of saying ‘archetype’ or ‘god/dess’ or ‘energy’ or ‘primordial form’. Ego is what gives shape to it in our individual way. I think. πŸ™‚

    I’ve a whole lot to say about ego, and when I get through my Saturnine sorting through I’ll write it and post it. Something’s about to become clear.

    dxx

  6. I’m so grateful that something I’m doing is sparking something with others too, so thank you for your comments.

    I’ve another Aphrodite post today, so we’ll have another chance to talk about her but I wanted to acknowledge what you’ve written here first.

    you asked are stories ego – and the answer, as far as I know so far, is no. Story is beyond us, bigger than just our individual selves. The ego is pretty much the summation of our individual selves, and something else. I think ‘story’ is another way of saying ‘archetype’ or ‘god/dess’ or ‘energy’ or ‘primordial form’. Ego is what gives shape to it in our individual way. I think. πŸ™‚

    I’ve a whole lot to say about ego, and when I get through my Saturnine sorting through I’ll write it and post it. Something’s about to become clear.

    dxx

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