Now for My Will to be yours, you would have to do the same.
First you would have to know it. Second, you would have to accept it. Third, you would have to praise it. Fourth, you would have to love it. Finally, you would have to call it your own.” (NEAL DONALD WALSH, CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD)
A full lunar cycle has passed since I made the decision not to ‘de-clutter’ and ‘space clear’ but to revision my clutter and junk – to find out why I have it.
The phrase I made my mantra ‘I have everything I need, and nothing I don’t’ sustained me through an extraordinary period of self-examination to what now feels like true self-acceptance.
I found, I still do find, that the idea that there are parts of the psyche that are unacceptable and unlovable – untenable. I don’t want to discard and reject and abandon and throw away anything that’s part of me. I may be getting rid of the thing that makes me whole.
Today I realise that I can still love and accept myself and take care of the trash – the debris and natural waste that is a by-product of life and needs to be dealt with before it starts stinking and causing disease.
I thought I’d learned to diferentiate between the real waste that can be carefully dealt with and stuff that’s just someone else’s imaginary crap left to rot where it has no business.
And I found good reasons for denial – to go on pretending the accumulated rubbish pile doesn’t stink – there’s no rubbish, what rubbish?? (That which we give attention to grows, after all – so no looking). Or, to yell at someone – whoever is responsible, dammit – to ‘come and clean this shit up!’; huff and puff about it and stomp around about ‘how unfair’.
After a while, it has to be realised, there’s just no getting around it – all the clutter that I can see needs to put where it belongs. And I have to do that, too.
So, while cleaning the house today, clearing space, enjoying the beauty of crisp sheets, muck-free floors, bathrooms and clear windows – I’m restoring order where I can; taking care of the dirt that belongs to me, and doing what I can with what ‘isn’t mine’ to deal with.
I can see that this is my house, my home, my life and my mess to work on. Some of the mess is good.
The pile of toys over there – that’s not crap, that’s where children play.
The chaos on my desk, piles of drawings, half-used oil sticks, books and bits and pieces – I use those. I like it like this.
I admit the box of recycling under the sink threatens to overwhelm the sanctity of the kitchen at times. I sometimes forget to put out the wheely bin. I have plans to start composting.
Overall there is peace in my home, there is light and love and laughter.
Yes I let others walk their mud and grease through my house – I haven’t protected against those who walk in dog-do. There it is around the skirting boards; under the sofa; finger-printed onto walls at man height; accumulated into grime over time, undealt with, disowned and mysterious. The usual methods of mopping up don’t seem to work. What do I do with it – this crap I think of as ‘not mine’?
Maybe there’s gold in it, says the Alchemist in me.
Maybe. Can anything turn to gold if I don’t love it, praise it, thank it, forgive it’s presence, see it as perfect? Can I own it? Maybe not. I guess I have washing to do.
Meanwhile, I’m called to choose more wisely which boots will cross the threshold – because if I let them in, well. You get the picture.
I’m not sure yet how any of this relates to the solar eclipse tomorrow – only that events of the past 24 hours have turned up something that stinks and that I’ve had to push up my sleeves and clean up, and that feels good. (usually these bibliomancy posts contain answers that are self-evident after the fact)
Eclipses usually ‘re-set’ things, and give a boost of energy where its most needed. Perhaps looked at where there’s work to do, what can be loved more, what is unnecessarily problematized, and clearing out the things – the natural byproducts – that have been blocking the way, there’ll be a renewal of something else.
Something really pure.